Being your own best friend is really helpful at times. We want people to know this and so we at Home To Home Calls have created this post and we are giving you some pointers to help you learn how to be your own best friend.
(Home To Home Calls is a national daily telephone befriending service, if you would like any more information, do not hesitate to contact us on 0800 316 8802).
We put our trust in other people every day, whether it be our work colleagues, our friends meeting us for lunch, our loved ones remembering our birthday yet often we will greatly mistrust our own opinions and judgement. ‘It’s sometimes good to question yourself, as it serves as a safety precaution, but self-doubt should be a checking process, not an over-ride. Have faith in your decisions and your own abilities to achieve them.
Sometimes the hardest person to forgive is yourself. A failed project or relationship can burden you for years. We hold on to mistakes to verify any negativity we already feel about ourselves, ‘I did this thing, so I must be a bad person.’ There’s no gain to punishing yourself over and over, so let go of old guilt.
If you only spend time alone when no one else is available, you’re settling for your own company rather than choosing it. Other people are constantly benefiting from your energy, kindness or humour, which can leave nothing for you. Plan a day for just you, and try to focus on who’s there, rather than who’s missing. If a whole day seems to long, give yourself 30 minutes to maybe read a book and take yourself away from the world. In time have the confidence to increase this alone time and assess how you feel.
We respect our friends for many reasons, not just for achievements. We’re proud of them for staying positive through tough times, holding back when someone provokes them, or for being a patient parent or a loyal sibling. If we started to regularly conjure up those same feelings for ourselves imagine how it would make us feel.
Spend a lot of time discovering more about your character/personality.
What are your deeper drives and motivations, what things do you like and dislike, what are your greatest strengths and weaknesses? Often times people look outside of themselves for the formation of their tastes, ideas, goals and pursuits because they haven’t spent enough time developing a strong sense of self. The more you understand yourself truly, the easier it will be to like and respect yourself for who you are, rather than who you think you are according to external people, trends and circumstances in your life.
Learn how to support and comfort yourself.
A genuine best friend is supportive and comforting in times of need and distress, often knowing exactly what to day or what to do to make us feel better. When it comes to supporting ourselves on the other hand, we often drown out our pain by indulging in food, sex, gambling and other addictions including self-pity and other self-destructive behaviours. Learning how to face our hurt, instead of escaping from it, is one of the most essential (and most difficult) ways of developing self-love. When we listen to our emotional needs, and open ourselves up to the vulnerability of experiencing shame, anger and grief, we can then take the appropriate steps to help lessen the hurt we feel in a healthy and productive way.
Learn how to have fun alone.
When most of us think of enjoying ourselves, we usually equate it with other human contact. Going to the movies, playing sport games, attending interest groups, booking a table at the restaurant … it’s a sad truth that many of us have learnt to enjoy life in the company of others, but not solely in the company of ourselves. Try developing an enjoyable interest that you can pursue alone. Doing so will help to deepen your bond with yourself.